Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Still Missing You Dad

Four years ago today, I said good bye to my dad as his battle with cancer ended. At the time I was relieved to see the end to a painful journey for him. However now I wish he was here to be a grandpa to my kids.
His battle taught me a number of things. However it also sent me into a struggle with my faith. As my dad found out he was ill, I watched him turn to God and work to strengthen his faith. Yet I did the opposite. To this day, I struggle with the fact that there are people suffering through such awful situations and diseases.
I feel like recently I have finally broken through some of the anger. I cannot say I felt angry that I lost my dad. Obviously it was hard to say good bye to him when I was just 23. But what made me angry was seeing the way he suffered. It was very hard to see my dad rendered almost helpless, because of a disease that we call cancer. This is what caused me to question God and my faith to Him.
There are many things I learned from my dad and his cancer. And I know he inspired many other people. I just have to remind myself that it is not my place to question why my dad suffered. I am working to turn my attention to my life that I am living. That is what my dad would have told me to do. And that is what God wants me to do.
I have many things that I wish I could tell my dad. I have grown up a lot in the past 4 years but mostly I want him to know about his grandchildren. I am such a proud mommy and I know somehow my dad knows how wonderful my kids are and he is a proud grandpa, even if he isn't here with us.
We went to the park to visit my dad's bench a couple of weeks ago. I hope I can take my kids there every year and get a picture of them on the bench. This is going to be my way to show dad how his grandkids are growing. While we were there Ally even found a penny sitting right next to the bench. It seemed obvious to me Dad sent us that penny to show me that he could see the kids. Here's the poem about pennies sent from heaven:

Today I found a penny, Just laying on the ground. But it's not just a penny, This little coin I've found. Found pennies come from heaven. That's what my Grandpa told me. He said Angels toss them down. Oh, how I loved that story. He said when an Angel misses you, They toss a penny down, Sometimes just to cheer you up, To make a smile out of your frown. So don't pass by that penny When you're feeling blue; It may be a Penny from Heaven That an Angel's tossed to you.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Good Day

Today was beautiful. We made sandwiches and ate dinner on our back porch. The kids had obviously been playing outside quite a bit today and it was so much fun to get to see the kids run straight out into the backyard to get to play some more.

While I was making sandwiches, Logan threw a frisbee over the fence into our neighbor's yard. Even though we have many more frisbees, the kids insisted we walk around the corner to try to get our frisbee back. Unfortunately no one was home, so we came home frisbeeless. I told the kids if we saw the neighbors we would yell over the fence and ask for our frisbee.

Before we came inside, Ally had to point out that we had not gotten the frisbee back. I reassured the kids that it is okay that we may not get the frisbee back. So Logan looked at me and said "Bad day." I asked him why it's a bad day. And he told me because the frisbee was gone.
This made me think about how I let little things ruin my whole day. Today I had an angry patient yell at me. This felt like a big deal for me, so it felt like a bad day. But really in the grand scheme of things, a patient yelling at me didn't make it a bad day, just like the frisbee over the fence was not a bad day for Logan.
Today was a good day. On this day, 3 years ago, my mom had surgery to remove her cancer. Today she is strong and healthy.

Today was a good day. I have 3 beautiful, healthy children.

Today was a good day. We played outside until bathtime.

Today was a good day. I got to use my new camera that my grandpa gifted to me recently.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter!

I am so lucky. The kids and I had such a fun day. From the 6 am wake up to check out baskets all the way to the drive home from GG's house. Everyone was so exhausted that I'm the only one who stayed awake for the whole way home.

I feel so blessed to be able to spend a day watching my kids light up over so many things. I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday!

I would like to write more but tomorrow is Monday and I need to get some rest.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Egg Hunt

Today was our local Easter Egg Hunt. Great fun, but I only got pictures of Logan. The older kids were hunting in a seperate field.
Logan is definitely more defiant than Jacob or Ally were when they were his age. The hunt was scheduled for 10 am, however we didn't get the all important "Go!" until about 10:15. Not a fun job to show my 2 year old a field of eggs and be so proud when he tells me he understands that he is to put the eggs in his basket, and then say, but wait.

To the older gentleman standing near us:
I'm sorry my son's basket hit you in the legs. I am working hard to teach him throwing is not a solution when he is frustrated. However I wish you would remember you were in an area designated for 0-3 year olds. So please don't look disgusted when I walk over and apologetically pick up the basket. If that upset you, please avoid this area that was designated for children that may be at an age, that is prone to tantrum throwing.
Thank you, Logan's Mommy

Without further ado, pictures:

This is what Logan did when I asked him to make a bunny face...

You can see how much thought he is putting into this...

He hit the jackpot...

We're so glad it wasn't raining...

Look at all my eggs...